On Halloween of 2013 I was on the fifth floor of a detox at Mercy. I was broke down and scared, ‘cause for the first time in my life I was facing my life’s disrepairs. Though Mira’s mom never confronted me, she was the first person to have something to say about my drinking. I’m not sure when it appeared, or what wrong choice led me there. I walked reckless along lifestyles that lingered too long. And I’d conceal those symptoms with bottom shelf gin from a Nalgene. When there was nobody there, I’d tilt it back, let 90 proof bite dry air. So for the length of a song, won’t let that sadness drag on.
I used to be nothing but trouble, dude I’m leading this party on. Not showing I’ve learned from the scratches and burns, no that’s not gonna be me. And I used to have so much to prove but god man, I got that all wrong--found constantly searching for approval becomes habit forming. Nailing all of the green lights, just driving home from home. Eroding all of the context without ever once confronting where my feelings come from. There are some low points of my life that are frozen online. Had devils on my shoulder, I’m over one year sober now. Those are the low points of my life that I’ll never forget. Lost people I won’t get over. Beth, Steve, and Melanie Slover. A checkered pattern lines the coffin of a ska phase that we all went through as kids. And you can bury those times with my ID in the duchess, cuz dude you know that’s where I’d rather live--but I’m glad to have a second chance.